​If I could, honestly, I’d just tell all my boys that I love them.

​But you know how it is. There’s this constant noise on the internet about how male friendships are shallow. People love to argue that because we don’t sit around doing deep dives into our feelings or letting our friends see us cry every Tuesday, we don't actually care about each other. Nyi mbaki mkidhani hivo btw. We have nothing to prove. There is a level of love and gravity among men that most people will never understand because they don’t speak the language.

​For me and my guys, love lives in the subtle trolls and the stupid jokes.

​Take my friend Dave(anaitwa Daudi , alichange jina after kuskia lightsking flani wa Siwaka Poly anaskizanga santan. Men aki)Dave will ring my phone just to call me blackie. I’ll hit him back with a comment about how his hairline is currently in a long-distance relationship with the back of his neck, and we’ll laugh for a bit. Then, he’ll drop the real line: “Siku izi umetulia, kwani umepata msupa?”

​Now, that’s not just a random question. That’s him confessing he’s noticed I’ve been ghost, he misses me, and he wants to know if I’m actually okay. But he can’t say it like that. If he did, I’d call him gay for the rest of his life.Juu enyewe bana mbona unaniuliza vile naendelea jamaa kwani we ni dame yangu?

​“Siku izi si deal na watu wenye hairline inatoroka harufu ya mdomo,” I’ll answer. And just like that, the tax is paid. Once the insults are out of the way, the vibe shifts. We move into this intellectual space where we actually talk. I’ll narrate what’s been happening in my life, and he’ll listen and advise me on what I need to change to be a better version of myself. He becomes a mirror. It’s raw, it’s honest, and it’s usually finished off with one more insult just to balance the scales.

​The call always ends the same way: “Wazi bro, tutabanja. Inshallah.”

​That Inshallah always hits differently. He’s wishing success on everything I’m trying to build. He won’t ever say, "I’m praying for your wins," because, again-kwani uliingia io mrengo ingine aki?🤣mbona unaisema like that?

I had a pregnancy scare a while back na sikua na pesa and you know how one gets into panick mode and you are in this emotional and mental rollecoster.Your mind juggles na apo ndio unakumbukanga kila mtu ako na deni yako ata kama ni ya chwani walai.And so i text dave:

​

I didn't send a paragraph about my emotional state. I just told him the situation. He didn't reply with "I'm so sorry you're going through this." Instead, he called me a fool, asked how I let myself get into that mess, and then immediately started figuring out the what to do.He sent the cash btw(probably 20 times more)and was checking in to know how the situation played out(thank God it was just a scare🤣). That’s the thing about the boys—they will roast you for falling into the hole while they are simultaneously reaching down to pull you out.

Male friendship is a code. We don’t need the long paragraphs or the emotional check-ins that look good on a social media post. We show up in the gaps between the jokes, in the brutal honesty of a critique, and in the quiet respect of a parting word. It’s not loud, but it’s the most real thing I know.

I love my broskis

​A happy high while reminiscing about different life stages is a state I love being in. I missed 420, so I had to compensate yesterday. (Niko kwa mzazi na sipendi kutake risks na jana nilikuwa home alone).Shoutout to my mlaguzi.

​And so there I was, on Cloud 9, thinking and laughing about my transition from the Waiyaki Way Boys Secondary School to Siwaka Polytechnic Training Centre

​Waiyaki Way Boys Sec was not for the weak,you either had to be a senior prefect, a rowdy thief, or a Form Four in order to survive. Luckily for me, my dear subscriber, I was a prefect. A senior prefect of the rowdy Form Four thieves.

​And I survived—quite perfectly. I never lacked anything: money, uniform, or a new pair of shoes. I would exchange my pair when they got old or torn from the heists we would pull with my fellow goons—or sometimes, just for the love of the game.

​And don't get it twisted; it was not Pablo Escobar or Osama bin Laden-esque,more of gaucho.Many a time I was caught and flogged mercilessly after serving my day's punishment of washing pigs in the school farm. It was a win-win for me, though, since I’d miss classes and spend my day with my fellow goons, devouring mangoes from the school farm and planning our next heists or rarely,our lives after Waiyaki Way.

​Going from the smell of the school pig farm to the polished corridors, corporate dress codes, and the quiet of a high-end university library was something I never envisioned.

​The contrast was crazy. I was coming from a place where boys would only shower once a term—not because water was scarce, but because they simply didn't want to. “Sasa naoga nifurahishe nani?Bana huku hakuna madem”. Boy, I’m not joking when I tell you that a certain friend of mine (who now has the Nairobi girls on a chokehold) never took a shower for 90 days in 3rd Term, 2023. He used to stain his KCSE papers while flipping them to the next page hadi. The good thing is his dental care was in check; that was the only thing that mattered. He now does skincare routines and GRWM blogs. Those who took their body care seriously and took two showers a day were termed as gay—on a light note, obviously(not really)

​And so here I was: from having classmates who never showered to being classmates with these corporate Nairobi girls who have all sorts of perfumes, gels, wipes, and even sanitizer in their tote bags. Some even sanitize the soda bottles after purchase—and I was there to witness it. A new level of clean; a level that not a single soul who has ever attended Waiyaki Way Boys has achieved.Not even those termed as gay.

​The cleanest I ever saw those boys was during funkies where some would go to the extent of scrubbing with sandpaper just to scrape off the mud build-up that had been forming for three weeks just to impress the babes from Kianda School. Back then, I never approached a Kianda babe, simply because they would only converse in English na mimi english tu nilikuwa najua ni zile salamu za “yes yes yeah” za watu ya kamakis .They were expensive, too; you had to spend almost 500 bob at the smokie and Indomie stands for them to even tell you their name.Ok its either this ama sikuwa na game,ama tu walikuwa wanaogopa ma odi. Game ilikuwa(bado iko)-Ask my highridge girls aki wakuambie!They loved me for who i am na walikuwa a vibe(sisi wote hatukua tunajua english),and cheap too,since i’d only bully form ones off their money and get them what they loved most:soda na queen cake.70 bob peke yake na unavibe na mtu siku mzima alafu jioni ikifika nampea instagram yangu “pabl00_mgaza” then yeye ananiandikia yake “queen_kartel34” kwa shati then i’d later go boast to my friends,the ones who spent more than 500 na wakanyimwa hadi number.

​But here I am now, sitting in group discussions and going to school excursions with those same Kianda babes, and I’m starting to realize that we are all the same. The gap wasn’t as wide as I thought; it was just a different set of rules. I am now a clean boy, rocking a low taper on my wavy buzz cut. I’ve traded the sandpaper for lip therapy gel that I carry everywhere. My English is now spot on, and I’ve archived the rowdy “pabl00_mgaza” for a much more subtle social media presence.

​I will forever remember my days at Waiyaki Way Boys—the days where I was Gathogo. But as of now, that has changed.Jamani nisha evolve.These days, they refer to me as Brian….

BRIAN G

Never have i ever been relieved to alight a bus with good music,especially a vybz kartel riddim mix that the conductors gatekeep,than yesternight-infact nilishuka and i whispered “aki this is not my portion”to myself

i had a busy day and nilitaka sana kufika home mapema,so I decided to board a bus using the express way route,the fare is usually 50 bob higher than normal price(100).Kwa mfuko i had a crisp 150 kenyatta shillings to my name.Nikafika stage.”Express way 140"a huge banner claimed,i was so happy since i’d save that extra 10 bob in my “take my girlfriend to kempinski”kitty and keep my word as a wonderful bf🤗.Sijui izo pesa zitajaa lini lakini as long as ntampeleka,ata kama ni 2027 tukienda kusherehekea kutoa kasongo kwenye usukani.Wantam!

An electric commuter bus reached the stage and the long line finally moved,with restless people occupying the seats,ready to go home after a long days work and within no time,all seats were occupied.I was still in the line.”Mia mia kusimama express way”some kamagera screamed na hivo ndio sisi ma squatter wa kitengela tulijirusha huko ndani-it was a huge bargain-100 bob,good music,i’d use half the time required to arrive home on road,save to my girlfiends kitty and the remaining 40 bob nimtumie akule hata ringozz na apate za data since ako ushago ndio we sleep on the phone kama kawaida.I love my princess.

The electric bus is long and can comfortably accomodate 62 seated passengers and 14 passengers wenye wamesimama.Tulikuwa kama 100 kwa hio bus mse!And i thought i had seen it all until niangalie nyuma vizuri and i saw 2 guys seated on a sambaza-kwa bus!(people face each other in the electric commuter so it was even crazier)-Welcome to Kenya.

I was sandwiched between 2 men,the one infront was shorter than me and the one behind taller,and smellier,not than me,but than the one infront of me.Tulikuwa tumefinyana so much so that i was breathing the air the man infront of me was exhaling and not only was it warm,but it had some aroma,ni kama you marinate something spoilt kwa ile fart jar ya sanjay and craig.Mtu amekula managu lanj unaeza mjua tu.The man behind was worse sasa,yake ilikuwa body odor.Do you know how bad you have to smell for someone who is standing infront of you to notice?like bro mapua yangu iko side ya mbele ya kichwa yangu,wewe uko kwa kisogo but bado naskizia.ei.and the worst part is,he had to raise his arm for suppot on the rails for the whole journey.

The 1st stage is 25 minutes from town and i was praying that either of the 2 would alight aki.The person seated beside me was a beautiful young lady,hii breed ya murima-insane face card,braces and glasses-alifunga dirisha,probably to prevent the cold or probably to teach me a lesson since i had tried skipping her in the queue.sasa the only inlet of fresh air was closed and she frankly took out a mask from her tote bag,akavaa na akaniangalia na zile macho za “ushai skia kuhusu karma wewe”.

“Utaeka apo engzit(exit) ya mrorogo(mlolongo)”the short guy said and my brain jolted into a frenzy as i was trying to fathom his ethnicity since it was the first time i heard someone with a kamba and kikuyu accent -his warm air hit my face but i decided to persevere because if i had tilted my head nipatane na jamaa wa nyuma sai mngekuwa mmeadiwa kwa group ya “gone too soon” mkingojea kula pilau mkiimbanga “it is well with my soul”

Things Got Messier

Its either the guy behind me was gay,ama he was straight up ragebaiting me bc why was i feeling his manhood on my yansh?! I AM A MAN BTW.

I felt so uncomfortable and problem is the more i tried adjusting my stance,the more the friction--nyi tu mjue kidogo nitapike aki. Sijui kama mshai ona ile video ya “toa ii mguu apa”.

“boss songa songa nyuma bana umenikaribia sana”

I cried and he hit me with the “gari imejaa vibaya hakuna nafasi,vumilia tu”

Vumilia?!!!!!!!!!!!! In this country, Vumilia isn't just a word,It’s what a Kenyan tells you when they are actively ruinning your life but don't want to be bothered by giving an apology or simply try to make your life better

What kind of freaks roam this country?hii ata siblame shetani,

Lawama yote iko kwa sugoi man cause wdym vumilia????!

Msee kwani hufeel awkward?

#wantamsikuzomborr

I could hear the murima baddie let out a sarcastic laugh,she was clearly enjoying my misery.Well obviously singebaki apo nikivumilia so i ordered the shorter man to face the other side(there is something about finding someone shorter than you-lazma tu you assert dominance-and i did!)

I readjusted my stance and faced the man behind me,heri niskizie io harufu yake mbaya kuliko “kuvumilia.”My yansh was pressing on the shorter mans yansh and this was better compared to what was transpiring moments ago.I looked the taller man in the eye with a mean look of disgust and “nijaribu tena walahi”was written all over my face.The smell wasnt bothering me anymore at this point

Tukafika engzitt ya mrorogo

Huyo kafupi and many other passengers wakashuka.I have never been happier.i occupied an empty sit and looked out the opposite window,thinking about my life,the bus ride-and the situation with the tall guy.I felt disgusted,ego ilikuwa bruised,niliskia kulia tu nikikumbuka jamaa alikuwa anafurahia kaffrrrmbanya kangu.Infact ata yangu si frrrmbanya-ni frrrmbayaa so adi sielewi nini shida ya huyo mzee.

Nilikua naamshwa na conductor akisema tumefika,nikapiga glance moja ya mwisho kuona kama uyo mwanaume ako kwa io bus ndio akitoka aki nianze false alarm za mwizi ndio watu wamshugulikie.He wasnt there.Bahati yake

Kwa background “without money” ya vybz bado ilikuwa inaplay.Swali bado ni moja…tutapenya lini?

Mungu aki tupee tu gari mimi na subscribers wangu juu aki ata wewe unaona hii maisha ya matatu haitufai

Nilifika home mapema yes,nikasave adi pesa,but at what cost?

Guys acheni niende nioge tena,nimeanza kukumbuka huyo gathee mrefu

When we joined uni,most,if not all of us,gained a certain type of freedom we craved for so bad.Everyone,including me,wanted to experience the nairobi night life.1st sem sophomore year was and is without a doubt the best 3 months of my life.Moving from west to wines then to kikao before demolition with your friends or sometimes total strangers each and every friday and saturday for 3 months straight is something i would want to relive-without academic pressure and enough funds this time.

They say you are supposed to move to places in your teenage years to gain exposure-i think they meant good places,or rather travelling around countries,but sina hizo pesa,zangu zilieza kunifikisha tu Rongai.

From nai west,to rongai. In nai west i stayed in this tusmall servants quaters,they are so small btw,ukishaeka kitanda ya 4 by 6 imejaza nyumba plus hakuna dirisha-ventilation ni poor ajab kupumua labda uingie na oxygen yako.I was fed up with this place(nilikaa only 3 weeks btw)-my hbs had warned me never to bring a chick around,especially the one i had a crush on at that time-she was in siwaka polytechnic and yk how they are sometimes,angeingia kwangu aanze kuuliza ”aki brian kwani where is the rest of the house?”-we dont blame them,but kuna maswali tu unashindwa kujibu,juu enyewe where was the rest of the house?ironically,wangeniomba keja and bring over the same girls,the ones from the siwaka polytechnic.I would lend them the house(sitawai rudia tena ) waendeleze mchezo wa paka na panya na their so called “girlfriends”,pale nayo ilikuwa international stadium wachana ata na hii talanta ya kasongo

October 2025

I moved out and went to rongai,in search of a better place and a slightly cheaper way of life,since pale nai west i was skipping meals,not that i was on diet or anything,My Mpesa was,still is , Mungu tuepushe na ufukara please.

Nilihama na boda btw-my only belongings were a 3 by 4 mattress,gas na 2 bags

I got to rongai,everything was different,vumbi hadi kwa lami,over congestion,noise pollution,yani hadi nilipata culture shock-it took me sometime to adapt but i did,finally.life obviously was cheaper,rent was 6500,half the price in my ka bedsitter at nai west,this was a big bargain considering the one in ronga was a king size bedsitter,but something remained the same,a question-where is the rest of the house?

I set up my new space,the mattress went to one corner,gas ikaenda ingine na my walk in closet-bags zangu tuwili,nikazieka just beside the mattress to give me and all round “bedroom” vibe,so the rest of the house didnt have anything and the number of times i have been told “toka kwa echo” whle on call is countless.I didnt have curtains too and many a times house hunters would peep inside,convinced that the house was vacant.wengine hadi caretaker alikuwa anawaingiza alafu wakinipata nimekalia my precious mattress nikikula food kwa sufuria wanashtuka then hit me with the “eh pole brathe,nilisahau hii nyumba iko na mtu”.The audacity!I hated it but u couldnt blame them,I had embraced a hardcore minimalist aesthetic—mostly because I had no choice,but atleast hapa ventilation ilikuwa sawa,and another thing,I had my freedom,yani naeza fika home drunk asf anytime na mtu asiniulize-I loved it!

One thing people dont tell you when moving out and living alone for the first times is that you have to have financial discpline-nilikuwa nalipa rent ndio nipate place ya kulala njaa in ronga,despite of the extra 6500 i had to my name.Hizo sherehe zote nilikua naenda za nini sasa?i used to ask myself this anytime ningejipata nikiandaa my go to meal when broke,the normal:

As we speak,i am devouring a drumstick na zingine tatu zinaningoja kwa plate,nimezisongesha kando zisimix na the extra ketchup yenye ilikuwa ya the layonasse potatoes my mom made for me.Nikimaliza ntaendea juice kwa fridge, na bado nikule cake kama dessert before niende kulala kwa my king size bed under my smart LED music chanderlier,playing sauti sols “better days” juu ndio hizi sasa zenye naishi at the moment.

Dont suffer under the illusion of freedom

Singeendelea kuishi nikijifanya niko independent aki na ni kuteseka nateseka.Aki kama bado unaishi kwenu baki tu,ukimove out freedom nayo utapata,but at what cost?

Sikunona kama ngoima,ningenona saa ngapi na hizi ndio utakataka nilikuwa nakula?

GATHOGO 1-1 KARMA

SOLFEST 24

More like solofest,since i didnt have a gorgeous queen to sing for “still the one” and kiss gently under the light drizzles in uhuru gardens.I was going for the experience(msiseme ni excuse)And i was happy for my 1st ever concert!!!

WAIYAKI WAY BOYS

Back in school,i didnt have any set of uniform that was rightfully mine,i didnt have a box either to put my clothes,ilipigwa butterfly form 2 in the 1st term na nikaibiwa kila kitu,so since then,i had to improvise and store “my clothes” on the hanging lines in our dorm.Life was easy back then,yani naamka tu 5,(in my boxers and school shoes)naingia hanging lines and in less than 30 seconds i have a full set of uniform on me-clean btw,na uongeze hadi blazer.One thing about me,i never liked the idea of theft,so i had a code:Never steal,just rotate.I wasnt just a student,i was a mystery-THE GHOST OF THE HANGING LINES.Aki pole sana to anyone who might have been hurt by my lifestyle.Nisamehee tu woishe.This went on from form 2 to 4

SOLOFEST 24

I didnt have the 4 zauzand shillings that bien and his crew wanted for us to get access to their event.But i had a good friend-A friend who rocked life with me daily in school for 4 years,a friend whom we shared a cube,I spent four years protecting his prefect image, scrounging mandazi from Form 1s so he wouldn't have to dirty his hands. I thought I was buying loyalty. Turns out, I was just funding his future career as a Nairobi con artist.

Basically,it was someone who i trusted and he was street smart.He convinced me not to save up and get the 4k ticket,but to instead get his that was going for 3k.Why not?aii io elfu moja ya juu ingekua ya kujiharibu na kc westmall before i go meet couples confess their undying love for each other under sauti sols feel my love.

So nilisave,nikasave,nikajinyima aki i was only eating a meal a day(smocha)then io pesa ingine yote ni mshwari.I was so disciplined.determined to attend my first ever concert-the happiness was unmatched, equivalent to you getting your 1st kiss.

Friday,19th december.Pesa imejaaa.3,129 Kenyatta Shillings.2 weeks of kuinama felt like nothing once he sent me the ticket attachment on whatsapp.

“Shukran chaji” i said.

“Pleasure doing business with you”akajibu.immediately nikaingia spotify and played sauti sol-album after album

Crumming ndio nisiaibike the next day

D-DAY

I bathed thrice,still blasting sauti sol on my BT that njoro,my local boda guy,gave me for my 17th birthday before selling his boda and going back to nakuru. It wasn’t the best,it was fake actually,brandless,but it got the job done anytime i invited a chick at mines.Anyway,nikaseti foundation,ugali nyanya,i didnt afford anything else as i had remained with 97 bob after sending him the 3k. 97 ndio ilikua fare to and fro since i lived in nai west at that time.5 ikafika and i walked to westmall to meet some few friends who had assured me that wangenipanga that day on sum”we kam tu vile uko usijali”

Why not?6 shots down and i was tipsy already-aki sisi lightweights Mungu atusaidie.Twende sana.Nikafika uhuru gardens and there were 3 checkpoints,the first 2 you were just supposed to show your ticket in picture format and the last one was where the tickets were actually being scanned.

One of my mates,Odeny Kwee had already reached the 3rd checkpoint.But hakupita,niliona tu some security guard amemwave back🤣.I had already passed my 2 checkpoints and was headed for the 3rd so we met along the way yeye akirudi huku nyuma

“Chaji huskii yangu imezua kuscan,sijui nidoo nini”he said

I could already hear people singing their hearts out on the other side of uhuru gardens and my focus was only fixed there,so kwee’s problem wasn’t on my priority list at that time.I honestly didn’t care about him man.Kila mtu afanye chenye ilimleta town,or uhuru gardens rather,for that matter.

“Iza jicha,anaku easy we tutabonga kesho”i dismissed him as i headed for the scanning area.Excited.And so nikafika.Si wakascan.”ticket already used” with a huge red X sign beside.

Ei?tebu scan tena we mzee-i ordered.He did.and again,the X sign.ama simu ndio shida?i thought as i quickly restarted my Nokia C that was a hand me down from my mom,ilikuwa imefika android 7 and i was convinced that that was the issue.Nikarestart.Wakascan tena.The X again.I was in disbelief.

“We blackie toa jam hapa”one of the guards barked at me.he was visibly irritated by my presence there as i was causing a huge delay.So nikasonga tu nyuma-this nairobi you always do what the bouncer or a guard says,for the safety of your life

I ring my friend,mwenye aliniuzia tiko.”samahani,mteja wa nambari hapatikani kwa sasa.” Ama ni simu ndio shida tena aki?i restart it.

“Samahani mteja..”i didnt let that woman finish her sentiments.The realization hit,staring at the screen. I’m looking at that PDF he sent and suddenly the street smart logic starts feeling like a trap. I notice a pixelated edge and my stomach drops lower than it did during those two weeks of kuinama.The frustration was a different kind of pain—it’s the "I was so disciplined for this" pain.

Odeny Kwee still makes fun of me to this day

It took me 2 months to heal .what made me heal was the realisation that i also did the same to people back in waiyaki way boys.Tit for tat nini nini

3k for tuition at the school of life is a huge bargain lakini

Karibu kanairo karibu kenya😔

I really told a kisii man his soul is as beautiful as his eyes while he was probably devouring githeri mkate in the dining hall

2021.

I had hundreds of girls(online)whose numbers i got from groups i was added to without my consent.didnt care since it was a win-i could get new numbers and add girls to my amazing catalogue-yk know how save for save worked

Girls who,for trendy reasons ALWAYS used filters on their pictures,and of course-they looked stunning(the photo behind the curtain deserves credit btw)

I wasnt left out in the search for one-i had to gain the honour of being alpha in my friend group at that time(the guy with the most beautiful girls ofc)so one day i was added to this group-where obviously ukiaddiwa unaslide na picha yako-so nikaingia apo na my 1 pic that i always used in all groups and 2 mins after,i got my 1st reaction and the reactor inboxed me. ‘Hey handsome,topic?’ and ofc i answered,chalantly btw and asked the then normal “unapark wapiz msupa?”

This girl was definitely my ticket of getting alpha title.she was hot.i mean from the dogs tongue filter to the flowers on the face one to the nasty poses(with a bandana on her head and a shirt branded “lamba lolo”,layered with a green reflector and some balenciaga shoes to complete the fit-oh and did i mention the mask?the black one to be specific,and fire filters popping out of her eyes)This was the equivalent of a Mexican model Who has had a BBL and another cosmetic surgery on her chest to up her brukangassz

NICOLE

She was lightskin btw,her face card 10,chest-one from murima,back-probably close to Mama Otis,the girl was heavenly-not to mention she went on shoots in town on sundays and was friends with dance 98 crew-she was basically what anyone would wish for at that time

So we kept on talking and talking and we got so close.she went to st georges girls and i was in the waiyaki way boys secondary school .Back in school i would always brag about how good she looked to my friends and none of their girlfriends would compare.so what did we decide to do?”majamaa si basi kila mtu akuje na dame yake hii midterm twende shoot moja”

CONFIDENTLY,i agreed and was elated,not only because it would be my first shoot,but also because i would be accompanied by someone who would prove to my friends that there are levels to this beauty shit and earn me the alpha male title ,someone who i’d also be meeting for the first time,someone who probably had enough reflectors to start a boda boda sacco.

Midterm break.

”Rada”,

“Radua” i answer,followed by 4 texts of how i had missed her and wanted to see her ASAP.”babe ata naenda shoot hii sunday,unadai kukam?” She said.Aki Mungu bariki wengine.I was elated cause that same sunday was the day we were supposed to meet up with my boys.

Nilikufanyia nini Mungu.I bought the meanest silk durag known to man,la flame shirt,brown beanie and a sling bag that i would rock on that sunday,not only to win “best luku”,but also be inaugrated as the new alpha male.

3Pm,and a voice call from one of my friends,notifying me that they were already behind jamia mosque,waiting for me.Nilikuwa archives at that time since Nicole had told me to wait for her there ndio sasa we go to where my friends were.”uko?,i text her and she responds immediately “hapa tu jamia mosque,shoot yangu wamechange adi apo”

I was EXCITED.yani sasa aty place my judgemental friends wako with their girlfriends ndio place pia my soon to be ako

Oh what a chance!

I covered that distance in less than a minute and upon reaching jamia,i saw my friends and was happy cause i knew with one dial of a phone,the alpha male title would be mine and would genuinely see them bask in awe teasing me with their '“Eish si sorrry basi”

So i ring Nicole.nimekaza haga btw.the last voice i wanted to hear is that lousy womans ‘samahani mteja wa nambari hapatikani kwa sasa or that mans”sorry you do not have sufficient airtime to make this call….”

Call is enabled,and my eyes are scrutinising the vicinity for any girl who could possibly be picking up her phone

Any Beautiful girl

At the same time,Victor Nyamumbo,one my boys’ phone rings but i dont pay much attention to it as i’m still busy looking around for the love of my life that i have been talking to for around 3 months straight

She picks up.”sasa,uko?”i ask,at this point nimelose composure since i know any minute now i’m meeting the most beautiful girl my eyes had ever come across

“Nyuma yako” she answers

But something seems off

That voice.That is not in any way a girls voice and i was dead sure that i had heard that voice before-daily as a matter of fact.That “nyuma yako” came off as a threat,not a “nyuma yako” squeeky blushy voice,but a firm “nyuma yako!”

And so i turn

“Rada brayo”

My friends burst out laughing.My heart sank mse.I looked at my phone and “Nicole❤️❤️ 0:12” on the call centre. Nilikata tu simu

Infront of me stood Victor Mokoro.A man who was already running out of breath because of how funny that moment was.That was when i realised why nicole always insisted on no video calls and no voice notes aty because she was insecure about her voice.And me,being the caring man that i was always assured her that i would love her even if she croaked like a frog.oh how i would write her those “i know you are asleep but” paragraphs.yearners are earners kweli?

Three months. 90 days.I wasn’t texting the love of my life; I was flirting with the guy who sits two desks away from me in Chem lab,probably day dreaming about some hot chick on a yatch.The mafuta taa in the mchele beans had no effect on us btw.

Shame.

I look back and think about how they would laugh at me when i went to sleep after preps and how they certainly thought i was a clown.I still love them to death tho

Na hivo ndio nilichorea vako za online friends mimi.

​He said it clearly, acting as if he hadn’t seen me putting in work for days. I stood there, dusting away the cement and sand residue that had stained my dark skin into a patchy, ghostly white. All this for my 600 bob. And for the record—I am dark. Very!

​The foreman had always made it clear he didn't like me. It wasn't just the work; it was the attention and the extra mandazi with a side of “kababa aki kula usiangukie huku” I got from Mama Otis, the local uji vendor.

​Mama Otis was clearly from Western. Anytime she stepped onto the site, heads would turn. Everything would pause—not for long, but long enough for everyone to realize something special had entered the vicinity.nowadays mnaziita mafffrrrmbanya ama sijui mafffrrpupu,idk,but u get the point.Kwanza i hope uko kadi.Anyway,foreman, despite having a wife, would immediately start barking orders just to catch her eye.

​“We kijana mdogo! Nimesema hizo simiti zipelekwe 4th floor, na kama hutaki kazi useme!”

​“Mimi ndio mdosi hapa, kazi iendelee!” he’d shout, trying to eat into our break time just so he could flirt with her.

​Unlike the others, I could actually afford a cup of uji and two mandazis. I wasn't fully dependent on the job; I was just saving up for Solfest 2025. I was definitely giving main character vibes at Site .Number 2. I’m a small lad—5’4” and skinny as fuck. Clearly, I wasn't built for this kind of manual labor, but I always accomplished my tasks.

For Mama Otis, it was motherly instinct. But from the foreman’s POV, she liked me. She’d ignore his loud-mouthed attempts at boss talk and head straight for me, shifting the heavy basket on her hip.

”leta tu kawaida mathe”

“Apana kababa kangu,chukua hizi nne aki ushibe,hii kazi inatakanga mtu ashibe,staki ubebwe na upepo mimi.” It made me feel untouchable. While the other guys were counting their coins and the foreman was vibrating with jealous rage, I was being looked after like a favorite son.

One thing about me,i know how to march energy so i would wink as i took a huge bit of mandazi and ”aki mathe unajua utanikosanisha na huyu foreman”my way into making her giggle..

for those two weeks, between 10:00 and 10:30 AM, I wasn't just a skinny kid hauling simiti; I was the king of the site. I stayed just long enough to get my money up, quit, and buy that Solfest ticket to attend with my lousy situationship.(js kidding)

​Now, anytime a girl my age rejects me, my mind runs back to August 2025—back when I was a married woman’s kababa.

Hii itandelea kuniskuma aki hadi 2030

Otis,wherever u are,your mom is a literal gem.

Goon Z- A Kenyan term, used to refer to a young Kenyan adult/teenager, who is either struggling with lust and his favourite tab on Microsoft Bing is the incognito window or, a young adult/teenager whose only source of income is pickpocketing or paid chaos by our greedy politicians.

Today, we will focus on the latter-The young man, the silver boy, mgaza, the zetu zetu broski who once, just like you, had dreams of becoming an astronaut or a doctor and securing himself a good, wealthy future. The dreams are still there, just quiet, but the wealth is being secured using not so good means that put the life of Kenyans at risk-to some extent. A teenager or young adult who seems caught between trying to survive and slowly losing himself in the process. The one people fear, talk about, and judge… but rarely stop to understand.

A man can only imagine as far as his exposure reaches. For many of these young men, what they see growing up shapes everything.

At home, things might not look broken at first. There’s food sometimes. Rent gets paid. The father provides. But the “how” is never explained. Late nights, strange patterns, money that just appears-eventually, the questions stop.

What remains is a lesson that isn’t spoken out loud: as long as you provide, it doesn’t matter how you do it.

Then there’s the older brother, or someone like him in the neighbourhood. Always sharp. Masilver, Mangoto, ma 925, packe,Magoshodo-all this are in plenty for him. People respect him. From the outside, he looks dangerous.
From the inside, he looks successful.

And when you’re young, struggling, and watching closely—that difference matters.

Meanwhile, your own reality is harder. Maybe you don’t have proper shoes. Maybe home isn’t stable. Maybe school is something you’re slowly drifting away from, not because you don’t care, but because everything around you is pulling you in a different direction.

Still, you try.

Maybe it’s music. Maybe it’s art. Maybe it’s just the hope that you can do something different-you have seen them come up with viral dances on TikTok, the miondoko, the zetu zetu type-trust me,those are the activities keeping them sane and giving them hope, that maybe they can do something different and get success through it

But the environment is loud.
Adui ni njaaa we jua.At some point, an opportunity comes. It doesn’t look like crime at first. Ni wera tu mzee,Inabidi.You do it once. You get paid. For the first time, you have your own money. It feels good-better than waiting, better than struggling.

So you do it again. And again. And again

No big decision. No dramatic turning point. Just small steps that slowly add up. Before you even realize it, you’re no longer on the outside looking in.

You’re part of it.

By then, things have changed. You move differently. People treat you differently. There’s a kind of respect, mixed with fear. And even if it’s not the life you imagined, it’s working, at least for now.

Going back isn’t easy. The options that once existed feel distant or unrealistic. The life you’ve stepped into is the one that makes sense in the moment. So unabaki, unaendelea ku grind tu mdagi-Not because you always wanted to be here, but because it’s what you were shown works.

That’s the part people don’t always see.

A Goon Z isn’t just a criminal or a problem to be solved. He’s someone who adapted to his environment the only way he knew how. Someone whose choices were shaped long before he ever made them.

And if you don’t understand that part, you’ll never really understand him.

Huezi m ng’am na si lazima,but sasa:

Hana Doo Ako Uduu Sa Atadoo?

‘‘mbona leo? anataka nini?ei kwani nimedoo?ama kuna ngori mtaa?”you ask yourself, cause the same simple question is NEVER asked and if it is, it is probably, *certainly, when they need a favour from you

An act of performance? maybe

It’s funny how your 1st pair of friends, the ones who you’ve known for your whole life, know nothing about you.it becomes even funnier when they think they do, but he version that is in their minds and the real you are literally night and day

It becomes even funnier when you try to pursue something you genuinely care about, a different course than the “respectable” ones, or even just dressing and expressing yourself differently and suddenly it’s not about what it means to you anymore. It becomes about image.

Before you can even explain why you like it, the chorus begins: ‘‘sasa watu watasema nini?Umetuletea aibu kama familia,as long as you’re under my roof utafanya chenye nataka”

Dreaming out loud becomes dangerous, JUST LIKE THAT!

mind you they told you that you are free to share your ideas with them-that they’ll support you no matter what since they are all you have

Eh,kwani rada ni gani tena?

Hello son/daughter, how are you doing?

Niko sawa,kila kitu iko poa—indeed kila kitu haiko poa,i might be struggling, thoughts consuming me, have no clue on what I’m doing with my life and really need your support emotionally since you were my 1st friends, but you’re too busy to talk to me when I need you or shut me down when I try to discuss how I really feel about our relationship

if what I put across favours you, then you’re okay with it but if it doesn’t, then my points of view are useless, so yeah-niko sawa cause bonga bonga ng’o,

What am I bonging with you?!

From vibing to M.Rumbi’s “Jua Tua’’ during slow mornings, Skepta’s ‘‘That’s not Me’’ in the afternoon to get your vibe and psyche up to Sauti Sols “Still The One” when your mind wanders off and you start reminiscing your 1st love back in primary school who was apparently the main reason you failed your tests when your parents were summoned to school because of your poor perfomance.

Mziki isn’t just something we listen to - it’s something we lean on. It’s there in the quiet moments when your thoughts are too loud, and in the loud moments when your joy needs somewhere to explode. A song can take you back to a memory you thought you forgot or carry you through a day you don’t think you can survive. It reminds you who you are, where you come from, and that you’re not alone. In ways food feeds the body, music feeds the heart - keeping the spirit alive when everything else feels heavy.In such situations, Billy Black’s ‘‘Aje’’ brings me calm

From melodic reggae kwa base ya jaba na maboiz tukipiga kighut, to waking up on Sunday with a splitting hangover and letting Adawnage’s “uwezo” calm your soul after dancing a little too hard to Mista C’s Saturday night set, to nervously proposing to your crush in a random hotel while Kidum’s Mapenzi plays softly in the background -music finds us in every version of ourselves. It is there in the chaos, in the recovery, in the love, in the laughter. It carries our stories without judging them. Music unites us in all ways possible, stitching together moments, memories, and emotions into one shared rhythm of being alive.

Napenda mziki ajab,na wewe?